I had an epiphany!

I have come to the realization that my desire, my need, to have the answer…to be right, has prohibited me in understanding and accepting the truth of the moment in front me. Therefore I have missed the opportunity to collaborate, create and learn from the moment and from others thus missing out on many riches.

For years I judged my “worth” by the answers I held. I was constantly having an internal conversation that went something like this…Was I smart enough? Was I the expert? Did I hold my own? Did I prove my point? Did I impress them with my knowledge?

If I was able to answer “yes” to these questions then I must have been “right”.

prison bars-handsI believed having the answers gave me knowledge, and with knowledge comes power. And with power there is a level of freedom to control your destiny. In other words, I believed answers led to freedom.

The reality was, having answers were imprisoning me. Having answers and wanting to be right was making me closed off to other ideas, perspectives and possibilities. If my answers were challenged, I took it personally. I dug in and fought for my answers, never really hearing the other side.

The more insecure I became about my answers, the more self-righteous I would become in maintaining my answers as  “right” or as “truth”. I became deliberate at proving others to be “wrong”.  Instead of leading to freedom, this way of acting and being actually led to conflict, burned bridges, disconnected relationships and isolation.

Freedom is not having answers. Freedom is having the confidence to be open to hearing new thoughts, new ideas, new perspectives that come from “this” moment in front of you. “This” moment can help inform you of a better resolution that you could not see before.

Whenever I find myself trying to prove my smartness, I recall what Buddhist Monk, Ajahn Brahm said: “Those with too much knowledge can never understand the truth of now. Never allow knowledge to stand in the way of truth”.

What truth is your knowledge preventing you from seeing?